March 30, 2012


Sometimes there are certain issues that arise in my parents' household that make no sense to me.  One of these things was the toaster incident.

We had a toaster for years and it was a good toaster.  It toasted things and popped them when they were toasted.  Only once or twice in the entire reign of this toaster did I ever receive burnt things, usually when someone had accidentally knocked the setting so that it was way higher than it ought to have been.  But by and by, this toaster got old and somehow the plug got pulled off of it.  At this point, normal people would throw the toaster away.  However, my parents are resourceful.  While it was clever that my dad simply found a way to replace the plug and continue to use the toaster, the sad truth is that the plug was not the only issue with the toaster.

Half the time when you plugged it in, the toaster would not toast.  You'd set it and walk away, but you'd wonder why you never smelled toasting things and why it never popped.  When you went back to check on it (perhaps while making eggs which were meant to go with the toast), you realized that the toaster was not working, despite having lowered your toast and catching it.  So you unplug it and try again.  And again.  And again.  At this point your eggs were either done or over cooked and either way they were going to be cold when the toaster finally deigned to work for you.

Then one day, I came downstairs and we had a NEW toaster.  And this toaster was not just a was a TOASTER.  It had buttons to differentiate between toast, bagels, english muffins, and waffles.  It had settings for specific browning qualities of each.  You pushed buttons and twisted knobs until you had masterfully crafted your breafast into perfection, plus it still did four pieces of toast at once.  It is the greatest toaster mankind has ever created.  And yet this was a source of contention in my family!  My mom was angry...angry!...that a new toaster had been purchased when we had a "perfectly good" toaster already and complained about it at length for days.

Suffice to say, I am stealing this toaster when I move out.  It will remove the issues and I will own the greatest toaster of all time.

An image of the best toaster ever.


  1. She may be mad that it's there, but she'll be even more pissed when you steal it. but its okay cause you won't be around to hear it :D

  2. I'll leave a note claiming that the toaster felt unloved and ran away.