On Hold

I think I'm gonna take a break from weekly blogging.  My original thought was that weekly blogging would keep me in the habit of writing so I would be inspired to write more.  But it's not really working that way.  I want to try using this time to write a story that's been developing in my head.  And also craft time.  I've had the crafts ready for like a year and done almost nothing with them. 

Maybe I'll come back to it in a few months.  I just want to see if freeing up my time and brain power will make any difference.  I've already gotten into the habit of using this time for writing so hopefully I can transfer that habit to other stuff. 

I'll probably update randomly if I have anything to actually write about. 

Communicating

I've been thinking about how I communicate lately.  I feel like my default style is all business.  Like someone initiates a conversation with me and my brain goes "okay, what information do they want and what is the quickest possible way I can give it to them?"  I noticed it more since texting became my main form of communication because it leaves less room for improvisation.  If I want to have a friendlier conversation, I have to force myself to go past the mechanics and say something that's not transaction based. 

The better I know someone, the less I do it but it can be hard to get over that threshold.  I'm tempted to say "I wish I was different" but I really don't.  If I change one thing about myself, my whole personality would probably be different.  And if I didn't struggle with this one thing, I would probably struggle with other things.  Like talking too much and accidentally saying something embarrassing.  I've been told by my extrovert friends/ spouse that this is a common problem.  So instead of wishing I was different, I try to learn from those who are.  That's why I married an extrovert.  He does not over think what he wants to say to people.  I've gotten a little better of doing that in person but it's hard to not go straight to the point in texts. 

I guess I could solve that by talking to people on the phone but calling someone on the phone is a literal nightmare.  If I have to call someone on the phone, I spend at least 10 minutes stressing out before I hit the call button.  And then I survive and feel stupid when it's over.  But that doesn't stop me from freaking out every time.  Brains are weird. 

Faking it

On Tuesday I sat down to write my blog (like a consistent person who has their shit together) but then my brain was completely hijacked by financial issues.  Don't worry, we're fine.  We're just planning an expensive vacation.  I just get really uncomfortable spending large amounts of money and it pushed my brain away from writing.  That is why I'm writing BEFORE I pay bills.  That way I can get the creative stuff out of my brain before the numbers kill all of it! 

Marshall is trying to drag me away to look at glow-in-the-dark dinosaur fossils.  We've had this book since before he was born but he's acting like it's completely new to me.  It's like that scene in Parks and Rec when Andy gets 1,000 one dollar bills from the bank and asks the teller if she's ever seen so much money.  Her response is "yeah... I just handed it to you."  I think about that scene every day.  My kids are often acting like I should be super impressed with things I just gave them.  It's a good thing kids don't understand sarcasm because I'm pretty sure most of excitement sounds super sarcastic.  I mean I'm not being a dick on purpose but faking emotions isn't easy. 

Alright, I need to go kill my brain with some numbers.