July 25, 2017

I'm always dragging that horse around

Yesterday I titled my blog with song lyrics so I thought I should title today's blog with song lyrics.  But it really has nothing to do with any topic I want to talk about, I just have that song stuck in my head right now.  I did have an idea earlier to write out a story-like post that described a dream I had all based on the lyrics to the Sound of Silence but I was worried people might not pick up on it and genuinely worry that I was clinically depressed.  I was also worried that it might just sound stupid.  I guess I'll never know cause I didn't actually try to do it.  I was going to spend so much more time and put so much more thought into my post today but I went dress shopping with Kayla instead.  I have a few weddings coming up that I need dresses for.  I also got a new purse because I'm a girl and am constantly dissatisfied with the function of my current purse.  Why is it so hard to find the perfect purse?  I just need it to satisfy all my very specific functional needs and also conform to my unique fashion sense and not cost that much because my purse budget is practically zero; is that too much to ask?  And in case you're wondering, the answer is yes, that is why it takes girls a million years to shop.  It's because we know exactly what we want before we leave and we can't find it so we have to settle for some other BS that's just good enough. 

I did find the perfect dress though.  It's sparkly, simple, and comfy.  Everything I could ever want.  Also if you're wondering, the lyrics in my title are from Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine.  This is what happens when I don't have a topic in mind when I sit down to write.  I end up typing out half thought out ideas and then talking about my day.  But I think I've touched on a very important issue today.  We need better purses. 

July 24, 2017

This does not define you

As a few people who are very close to me know, I have not been the happiest person lately.  I won't say its a funk.  It's a little more than a funk.  But I am taking steps to move forward.  Step one will be to talk to my doctor to rule out any medical issues which I don't think would be entirely to blame but may be aggravating the problem.  Step two is forcing myself to do something that I enjoy.  I really enjoy writing.  It's definitely a part of who I am and I definitely don't do it often enough.  So I decided I am going to write every weekday for a month.  It seems appropriate that I'm starting on the 24th because that is my lucky number.  Hopefully writing on a regular basis will help bring back a part of me that I feel like I'm missing.  Step three will hopefully be to feel inspired and informed enough to step into a career.  I don't know what career because I didn't really plan well for one but I'm hoping the answer will become apart when the time is right. 

Also as anyone close to me knows, I have been obsessively watching Moana since it came out on Netflix.  It's my new favorite movie.  The songs are catchy, the story is inspiring, and the graphics are beautiful.  It occurred to me on my 8th? 9th? viewing of the movie that the ending scene with Te Fiti is the perfect metaphor for mental health.  Te Ka is raging and out of of control and Moana says "They have stolen the heart from inside you, but this does not define you" and then Te Ka calms down enough to accept help from Moana and allows her to put her heart back and she becomes Te Fiti again.  She couldn't do it herself.  She couldn't just be inspired and will herself into becoming Te Fiti again.  She had to calm down and accept help.  That image really helped me.  If I just calm down and let other people into my head, then things will get better and maybe I can be myself again.  I already know I'm surrounded by amazingly supportive people, John being my number one, I just need to let them help me.