April 5, 2015


From the seclusion of my oasis, I used to watch the cars drive by on the main road.  Often they appeared as an endless stream of passersby, racing to get wherever they were going.  I wondered if they ever even bothered to look down the gravel road and wonder, "Who lives there?"  Now I know how completely oblivious they were and are.

The sign was like a knife twisting in my heart when I first saw it.  In my entire life, I never dreamed it would be there.  Growing up, I knew that no matter what happened, my oasis at the end of the gravel road would always be there waiting for me.  More than anywhere I have ever lived, I called this place my home, my joy, my source of adventure, and later my font of inspiration.

Those cars with the drivers that had so carelessly driven past a hundred times before, flooded my oasis, directed there by that sign.  I watched as the vultures swooped in to pick the carcass of my childhood clean.  Dutifully, I joined them, hoping to devour some scrap that would restore the magic of my oasis to what it had been before.  Deep down, I knew there was nothing there that could do this for me.  Yet I was swept up in a whirlwind of activity and my heart told me to react or lose.  One by one, the treasures of my childhood were stripped away.  They came, they took, and they walked away, indifferent as they had ever been.  Those things which I thought had been most important when growing up, I discovered to be easily replaced or overlooked; those things which had been a comfort, now struck out like a brood of vipers.

The emptiness of my oasis became a well of bitter waters from which I had no choice but to draw from.  Each time I went there, I had to confront that nebulous future loss and the reminder that my dream was in ruins.  Each trip down the gravel road became ever increasingly more difficult, each journey with the oblivious crowd on the main thoroughfare became a small comfort, until I found myself a member of that endless stream of travelers passing by.

I don't remember how it happened exactly, but one day as I was driving by my oasis, I realized the knife twisting in my heart didn't have to be a traitor's strike.  If I lay down my dream by my own volition, it would be my sacrifice and it could no longer be stripped away.  How powerful that moment to lay my own hand upon that knife; how much more powerful to find it impossible to bring harm!

A new spring has risen within me, releasing me of my grief, and causing my well to overflow with sweeter, life giving waters instead.  They quench my thirst and give me strength for my new journey.  I realize now that it had to be my choice to travel new roads.  I do so with wonder, carrying that sense of adventure from my childhood with me in my heart.

April 4, 2015


Easter's Today!

I read an article this morning about how "nothing" happens on the Saturday before Easter and that it is a time for watching and waiting.  I never really thought about it until today that two years ago, I fell into the category of people who think "nothing" happens today.  It's almost amusing now, considering I spent the entire day preparing people to join the Church at the Vigil Mass.  All across the world, people are being inducted into the Catholic Church tonight.  They're being baptized, they're taking their first communion, and they're being confirmed.  It's true that Saturday is a "vigil" which means that we are watching and waiting for Christ to rise.  However, we also believe that he is risen, and initiate our candidates and catechumen on the eve when Jesus triumphantly conquered death.  The candidates bring the light of Christ into the Church, the catechumen remind us of our baptismal vows and we are asked to renew them with them, and as they're all confirmed we are likewise reminded that we are sealed in the sacrament.

Happy Easter.  Christ is Risen.

Easter's tomorrow!

Welcome to my last blog of the year.  I'd like to make grand promises that I'll definitely blog every week from now on but who are we kidding?  We all know I severely neglect this blog after lent.  Maybe I can change.  Or maybe Kris can pester me until I write again.  Only time will tell. 

I need to end this year on an adorable note. 

Extra Large Adorable Note

In my next blog post, he'll be approaching 3.  As of now, there's only 3 months until he's 2!  Next year I'll be able to talk about all the cute things he says.  He says lots of cute things now but they're not words so I can't really convey them here. 

Anyway, Happy Easter tomorrow!  We're gonna go to church and then have an egg hunt at Grandmas house! 

April 3, 2015


I've been doing a lot of re-evaluation of everything that I've been doing during Lent and I think I've changed my mind.  I've done a lot of growing but in different ways than I had last year.  That doesn't necessarily mean I've "failed" at Lent, but only that I wasn't more focused on recapturing what I encountered last year and ended up almost missing a lot of the growth I've gone through this year instead.  The weird thing is that it took watching the movie The Edge of Tomorrow in order for me to come to that realization.

Changing gears a little, I was really enjoying The Edge of Tomorrow until the ending.  What is about directors botching the endings of movies?  There are so many things left unanswered at the end of this movie, which is really disappointing.  I sometimes wish Hollywood would forget about going for the feel good ending and actually wrap stuff up.  Imagine what would happen if I just ended a post.

2 more days

Only 2 days until Easter!  Which means I can eat chocolate!  I think chocolate misses me.  It keeps calling to me from the television.  Or maybe it's just trying to take advantage of me.  It wants all of my money.  I don't care, I love it anyway. 

I've been painting on our wall.  I traced the tree sticker that I put up and then tore it down and now I'm painting it in.  I finished the tree parts today.  Now I just have to do the leaves and doves.  Plus I put parts of the sticker up above the fireplace so I still need to trace and paint that one as well.  I'm not gonna stop until our entire house looks like a forest. 

April 2, 2015

Maundy Thursday Musings

Today I got to go collect the oils for our parish from the Cathedral.  It was a really neat ceremony.  The priests in our diocese were all present to renew their vows and I got to attend a mass where the Bishop was doing the consecration of the Eucharist.  At the end of the ceremony, I got to walk up to where the Bishop sat and he handed me the oils that we use for baptisms, confirmation, and healing of the sick.

I really enjoyed being able to do this ceremony today.  I've been a little down the last couple of days because they signed off on the paperwork to sell our farm on Tuesday.  I still can't believe that it's gone.  I guess this is a new chapter in my life.  I had kind of always thought it would be there, always be ours.  Now I have no idea what the new owner's going to do with it.  It's kind of troubling because someone from our family built that house and the buildings when they first bought the property.  I don't know how many people can say that they've lived in one place for as many generations anymore.  It kind of made it special.

Tomorrow is the last day of Lent, a fast day.  It's been kind of a rough Lent for me, but I've had some good experiences over all as well.  I'm ready for this, though; ready to move forward with the liturgical year and start preparing for RCIA next year.

Garden Success!

My squash is blooming!  We're going to have delicious fresh squash soon!  I don't know what kind though.  There's 6 different plants and I didn't really keep track of which one went where.  One of them died though.  Maybe it'll come back. 


Bishop has a new favorite place to play.  It's in the window.  The windowsill is his toy shelf. 


It's a good thing he has those chairs to make him taller.  I just hope he doesn't use them next to the TV so he can reach all the buttons on the blu-ray player.  Or next to the baby gate so he can climb over.  He hasn't really shown any interest in climbing over that type of stuff.  I feel like he could get out of his crib if he really wanted but he's never tried.  He is scared of heights. 

April 1, 2015

An Open Letter to Dog

Dear Dog,

You are a stalwart companion, but I really need you to please stop chewing on your paw.  There are many reasons why this needs to stop, but the biggest reason is because I don't want to have to take you to the vet.  I will take you if you need to go of course, but I really don't want to have to explain to another person that my dog isn't smart enough not to eat herself.  Please be smarter.

Also, why is it that you only want to eat out of the supper toy when it's just you and me, but you don't want it at all when I'm trying to show someone else how much you enjoy playing with it?  You are a fickle beast.  Although you are a good companion.  Please try to curb the chewing on yourself, though.  I really don't like seeing you hurt.

Dearest Human

Bills day

I hate Comcast.  I just wanna get that out right now cause it'll make me feel better.  They raised our bill so John called and got it lowered but since we didn't do it 2 days earlier, we still had to pay an extra $30 this month.  Cause they're jerks. 

Also Amazon had an April fools day thing on their website where the page looked like it did 10 years ago.  It's not really funny when I'm trying to pay my bills.  I just need everything to work.  If you're wondering, Amazon is basically our diaper bill.  I just put it on the amazon store card so I don't have to fit diapers into the grocery budget.  We have a nice little system.  I love the fact that John gets paid once a month because it makes it so much easier to make and stick to a budget.  It takes most of the anxiety out of our finances. 

I feel like I have an actual job once a month.  I get on the computer to pay bills and it makes me feel super business-y.  I'm like the family accountant.  I'm also the family shopper cause I'm better at saving money.  Plus I enjoy getting out of the house once a week.  I feel like I've regained a lot of my sanity since I started doing that.  It helps keep the stir craziness away when I have a weekly outing scheduled. 

That's my exciting day.