November 1, 2013


Every year I attempt to accomplish NaNoWriMo and fail.  It has become a disheartening tradition.  The worst part is, I've been defeated so many times that I've already defeated myself in my mind this year.  Writing a 50,000 word story shouldn't be that difficult.  It's just over 1500 words a day.  A lot of the papers I've written for classes have been way longer than that.  Not to mention I just finished knocking out a master's thesis on a topic I'm not even that passionate about.

As a side note, I just went to check how long that paper actually is.  As it turns out, it's completely gone from when I wiped my hard drive.  I somehow didn't copy that particular folder over and overlooked its importance.  That's really kind of depressing considering how much time I put into that thing.  I'm not even sure if it's available online where I had it loaded anymore.  Probably not.  And since I didn't have to print it out, it's well and truly gone from this world.  Sad.  Face.

The point is, I know that once you're defeated in your mind, you've already lost.  So how can I possibly get undefeated and come back?  I'm talking about being on the verge of quitting something I've been passionate about since before I was able to write.

Then I remembered this blog.

Sure, much of the blog is incoherent thoughts all kind of thrown together onto a page and published out into the uncaring world of the internet for whomever to read and judge, but it's also something else.  This blog?  I wrote in it every day during Lent.  EVERY day.  Except the one time when I forgot.  Or two times.  I may not have come anywhere near 1500 words, but I did it.  And I doubt I would have stuck with it so tenaciously if I didn't enjoy what I did, right?  I mean, I'm stubborn and I've stuck with a ton of stuff that makes me miserable, but surely this must be something I enjoy if I'm willing to cling to it year after year as a Lent tradition.  Hell, I even get excited to write in it during Lent.

Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself of something, but I'm feeling like I need a win here.  I already missed day 1 of NaNoWriMo due to writer's block and doubt.  I have around 3000+ words to make up if I'm going to get back on track.

We'll see how this goes internet friends.  I feel like this year is do or die, sink or swim...and the water has already started out murky.