July 25, 2017

I'm always dragging that horse around

Yesterday I titled my blog with song lyrics so I thought I should title today's blog with song lyrics.  But it really has nothing to do with any topic I want to talk about, I just have that song stuck in my head right now.  I did have an idea earlier to write out a story-like post that described a dream I had all based on the lyrics to the Sound of Silence but I was worried people might not pick up on it and genuinely worry that I was clinically depressed.  I was also worried that it might just sound stupid.  I guess I'll never know cause I didn't actually try to do it.  I was going to spend so much more time and put so much more thought into my post today but I went dress shopping with Kayla instead.  I have a few weddings coming up that I need dresses for.  I also got a new purse because I'm a girl and am constantly dissatisfied with the function of my current purse.  Why is it so hard to find the perfect purse?  I just need it to satisfy all my very specific functional needs and also conform to my unique fashion sense and not cost that much because my purse budget is practically zero; is that too much to ask?  And in case you're wondering, the answer is yes, that is why it takes girls a million years to shop.  It's because we know exactly what we want before we leave and we can't find it so we have to settle for some other BS that's just good enough. 

I did find the perfect dress though.  It's sparkly, simple, and comfy.  Everything I could ever want.  Also if you're wondering, the lyrics in my title are from Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine.  This is what happens when I don't have a topic in mind when I sit down to write.  I end up typing out half thought out ideas and then talking about my day.  But I think I've touched on a very important issue today.  We need better purses. 

July 24, 2017

This does not define you

As a few people who are very close to me know, I have not been the happiest person lately.  I won't say its a funk.  It's a little more than a funk.  But I am taking steps to move forward.  Step one will be to talk to my doctor to rule out any medical issues which I don't think would be entirely to blame but may be aggravating the problem.  Step two is forcing myself to do something that I enjoy.  I really enjoy writing.  It's definitely a part of who I am and I definitely don't do it often enough.  So I decided I am going to write every weekday for a month.  It seems appropriate that I'm starting on the 24th because that is my lucky number.  Hopefully writing on a regular basis will help bring back a part of me that I feel like I'm missing.  Step three will hopefully be to feel inspired and informed enough to step into a career.  I don't know what career because I didn't really plan well for one but I'm hoping the answer will become apart when the time is right. 

Also as anyone close to me knows, I have been obsessively watching Moana since it came out on Netflix.  It's my new favorite movie.  The songs are catchy, the story is inspiring, and the graphics are beautiful.  It occurred to me on my 8th? 9th? viewing of the movie that the ending scene with Te Fiti is the perfect metaphor for mental health.  Te Ka is raging and out of of control and Moana says "They have stolen the heart from inside you, but this does not define you" and then Te Ka calms down enough to accept help from Moana and allows her to put her heart back and she becomes Te Fiti again.  She couldn't do it herself.  She couldn't just be inspired and will herself into becoming Te Fiti again.  She had to calm down and accept help.  That image really helped me.  If I just calm down and let other people into my head, then things will get better and maybe I can be myself again.  I already know I'm surrounded by amazingly supportive people, John being my number one, I just need to let them help me. 

April 12, 2017

Confession

I've kinda given up already.  Which is a shame because lent is almost over.  I've been a little stressed out about apartment hunting.  But good news!  We have been approved for an apartment!  We just need to get our deposit in today to hold it.  This place pretty much hits all the points on our wish list: better neighborhood, good school district, washer/dryer in the apartment, 2 bathrooms, swimming pool, and playground.  The biggest downside is the parking which will be hard to have guests over but we do get 2 spaces so we'll have an extra until we get a second car.  And it's at the higher end of our price range but the price dropped $50 a month right before we applied!  So, we're gonna move, get settled, and then I can do some career hunting!  I don't need to work so I'm holding out for a job that I really love and want to do.  But I'm also tired of staying home all the time so I hope I find it. 

Speaking of which, Marshall is screaming at me right now so.... time to go. 

April 7, 2017

Not trying

My brain is fried from apartment hunting all day.  Apartment hunting sucks.  I just have nothing interesting to talk about.  It rained today.  A lot.  For a minute, it kinda sounded like our house might collapse under all the rain.  It held up.  I'm not even gonna try to come up with more interesting things to talk about.  My brain hurts.  It needs to rest. 

April 6, 2017

It finally happened

I took a shirt out of Bishops dresser and put it straight into Marshall's.  He's wearing it now.  It won't be long before they're practically in the same size clothes and I end up mixing them up.  Either they won't care or they'll fight over clothes all the time.  I'm thinking they wont care.  Bishop saw Marshall in his shirt and said "hey, that's just like my shirt" and I said "that is your shirt" and then he went about his business because boys don't care what shirt they're wearing.  Although Bishop did get mad once because he had to take off a Paw Patrol shirt that he'd been wearing for 2 days.  I'm kinda surprised he hasn't asked about it since then.  That kid basically lives for Paw Patrol now.  I'm pretty sure that's going to be his next birthday theme.  He's been asking for a dog.  We told him he can get a fish.  He's gonna name it Chase.... after the puppy from Paw Patrol.  That's kinda like having a puppy right? 

April 5, 2017

Stages of Motherhood (that I have experienced so far)

The Oh Em Geeee I'm pregnant! stage: the one in which life is exciting and you managed to create a human life.

The OH MY GOD I'M PREGNANT!!! stage: the one in which you're freaking out because you created a human life that you will be responsible for the rest of your life. (Yes your whole life.  Go ask your parents if they still feel responsible for you). 

The Pregnancy is way less fun than movies make it seem stage: the one in which you curse every happy looking pregnant woman you've ever seen because you're miserable and your body hurts all the time. 

The Please kill me I can't stand this anymore stage: the one in which you never want to be pregnant ever again. 

The Brand-new baby stage: the one is which you're completely in love with this new little life and can't believe there was actually a baby in you the whole time even though you knew that's the whole reason you were doing it in the first place. 

The OH MY GOD I HAVE A BABY! stage: the one in which you freak the fuck out because you're baby is crying and you don't know how to make him stop and WHO THE FUCK DECIDED YOU WERE QUALIFIED TO HAVE A BABY! 

The Newborn stage: the one in which you barely get any sleep and you and your partner frequently snap at each other because you're barely getting any sleep and you're life has completely changed.

The regular baby stage: the one in which you feel confident in your abilities and start getting out of the house more often.

The beginning of the toddler stage: the one in which you realize your baby is turning into a toddler and its sooooo cute because they're starting to act like a kid and walk everywhere. 

The oh fuck he's a toddler stage: the one in which all of your exercise is keeping your toddler away from dangerous stuff that can kill him or stuff he can break. 

The WHEN THE FUCK IS TODDLERHOOD OVER!? stage: the one in which you find out just how loud you are able to yell. 

The I think we're doing a pretty good job, we should have another one stage: the one in which you decide to have another baby.

The why did we decide to have another baby? stage: the one in which your 6 months pregnant and chasing a toddler who just gets faster and smarter every day. 

The second new baby stage: in which you realize 2 kids isn't really double the work and feel awesome about having 2 kids. 

The oh my God is my baby a year old already? stage: in which you realize time goes WAY faster for the second kid than it ever did with the first. 

And finally, the Goldfish crackers in my pants stage: the one in which my almost not a toddler anymore follows me into the bathroom and spills his goldfish crackers everywhere while I'm peeing. 

I'll admit, that last one is less of a stage and more of an isolated incident.  Although he does like to follow me into the bathroom and keep me company while I pee.  Kids love to be all up in your business all the time. 

April 3, 2017

Fitting

I've gotten lazy with my blog lately.  Well, maybe not lazy, just distracted.  It might happen a few more times before lent is over.  Our house is in escrow so we're going to be moving soon!  There's a lot of things to be distracted by. 

Do you ever feel like everyone else has life figured out and you're just kinda faking your way through it?  I'm pretty sure everyone feels that way to some extent and I've known that for a while but, for some reason, it doesn't stop me from feeling that way.  It's like everyone else has a place and they fit into life and I'm just observing and trying not to get in their way.  I think people who write a lot especially feel that because that's just how our brain works.  That's probably why I'm shy.  Unless I know someone really well then it's kind of like they're a part of me.  I probably need way more time to think about and write what I'm actually talking about here cause I don't think I'm explaining it very well.  Or even thinking about the same subject.  I was just thinking about it yesterday for some reason and couldn't think of anything else to talk about. 

So.... enjoy those semi-coherent brain ramblings. 

March 31, 2017

House

Okay, I missed a few days.  Wednesday I just completely forgot until I was laying in bed and didn't want to get back up.  Yesterday we had a house issue that's kind of a big deal so we were freaking out a little bit.  But everything's gonna fine and we're accepting an offer and we're just gonna make a little less profit because of the repairs.  So that means we're gonna be moving soon!  We just need to find a place to live.  And now we don't have to keep our house neat for showings anymore!  That's the best part.  I'm messy by nature.  I let things accumulate until we have guests over and then clean off the table. 

This house has really been a training house.  Most the expensive stuff that could go wrong, has gone wrong while we lived here.  It's gonna be kinda nice to rent for a while and not have to deal with expensive problems that come up. 

March 28, 2017

Sleeping

I was just sitting here on my computer scrolling through Facebook instead of writing when I look over and see this....

I guess someone is bored of hanging out with me.  Or he's full from his lunch of egg whites and goldfish crackers.  Yesterday I came out of Bishops room after he fell asleep to find John hanging out on the couch and Marshall fast asleep on the floor.  He's getting less picky about where he sleeps.  He actually slept really well in his crib last night until Bishop woke him up.  It's like they're tag teaming who's going to wake up at night.  Oh my God, they're already working together!  I am so effed.  And they're so cute, they can get away with anything! 

March 27, 2017

Late Blog

That means its gonna be short.  It's after 10.  That's practically midnight.  It might as well be next week.  I don't think my best thoughts past 10pm.  Apparently I don't think them at 7pm either cause that's when I was trying to blog and literally wrote nothing down until dinner was ready but Google saved my draft of literally nothing anyway.  Some things just aren't worth saving, Google.  Or should I say Blogger.... its part of the Google collection, I think it counts. 

So I'm gonna keep it really short because I only have 31% battery on my computer which really is enough to type away for a while but seeing the low battery makes me super nervous and want to hurry up and finish before my computer dies on me.  It's like when I get into the right lane 10 miles before I have to turn right because if I don't, I'm gonna be stressed out the whole time.  I like to be 50 steps ahead. 

March 25, 2017

Power Rangers

So we went to see Power Rangers today.  After watching countless hours of Power Rangers with Bishop, I was not going to miss it.  Which is why we left him at home.  Or Grandmas.  In retrospect, it was the right choice because there's some creepy parts that might be too much for a 3 year old.  Especially since he wakes up at night sometimes from bad dreams. 

Anyway, I thought it was really good.  I thought the previews looked good but previews can make any movie look good.  The previews for Suicide Squad looked pretty cool and that was the worst movie I've seen in years.  Also every Transformers trailer always looks super bad-ass but those movies have gotten dumb.  So dumb that Shia Lebouf wont even do them anymore. 

It's late.  I almost didn't blog.  We did a lot of things today.  My point is, I don't have many thoughts in my head so I'm gonna wrap this up early so I can go watch TV on the couch. 

March 24, 2017

Lost

It's 8:30 at night and all my boys are sleeping.  Well, Bishop might not be sleeping yet, but he's definitely on his way out cause he's not making any noise.  It's nearly impossible for him to be awake and quiet.  Marshall fell asleep on me and I handed him off to John to go make dinner and now they're both asleep and John still hasn't eaten. 

I kinda feel like I'm back in college when I would surf the webs until 11pm.  Or 12.  I'm not really sure how late I stayed up.  My sleep hours actually haven't changed that much, I just do different things like hanging out with John after the kids go to bed but I can't do that now cause he's asleep.  That kinda sounds like I'm blaming him for being asleep but I'm really not.  He was up last night with Marshall who has been teething lately and refusing to sleep in his crib longer than 2 hours.  Marshall is also very stubborn.  Not sure where he gets that from. 

Anyway, I have no idea what to do with my time now.  Probably surf the webs.  I wonder if people still use AIM.  Is that a thing?  Probably not.