March 14, 2017

More Thoughts on Depression

I don't know why I keep coming back to this dark place inside of me lately, but it feels like I can't let it go right now.  I am sitting in a brightly lit room and I feel like I'm sitting entirely in darkness.  Staying in bed wrapped up in a blanket is preferable to getting up and doing something with my life.  The world just feels darker.  As if the light is being hidden behind a cloud.  Or perhaps I'm only seeing things illuminated by the moon instead of the sun.

I know this is depression at work in my mind.  It's like a veil over your face, but you can't remove it.  The best you can do is lift it off of your face for a while, but it doesn't stay.  You know it's coming back.  The weird thing is that I don't even feel terribly depressed.  I know I am, because I can tell the way I'm thinking and behaving is akin to when I fall into deep depression, and yet I don't feel depressed.  It's like some kind of weird brain thing where I feel fine, but mentally I'm not in a good place.  I keep wanting to peer into the darkness to see if I can find any sign of the light switch to turn on, but I'm afraid I might fall down the stairs and not be able to pick myself up.  Depression is like the awful dank basement of the mind.  And now all I can think of is decluttering my mind basement.

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