The Big C

So, I've been putting off this post because I just haven't wanted to think about my big hang-up with becoming Catholic:  Confession.

I am completely petrified about confession.  I have talked with a lot of people about it, and even though my concerns are alleviated, it doesn't really help the situation any.  First off, I'm slightly claustrophobic and those booths aren't very big.  I could open the window to talk with the priest face to face and make it seem like there's more space, but that leads into my second fear.  I don't trust people very well.  Like, at all.  I've had problems in the past with the church where I have gone to someone I trust to talk about issues I'm having and the next thing I know, it's church gossip.  While I have been assured that priests cannot under any circumstances break their silence on this issue, and while I realize I don't even have to worry about it, this has been so common an occurrence in every protestant church I've been a part of that I can't get over my anxiety.

The third issue is that I have to make my first confession at an age where I have a lot of significant things to confess for.  As if my anxieties weren't enough of an issue.  Working up the courage to go, let alone say all that I've done wrong to be forgiven is nerve wrecking.  I know I really ought to talk with Father about this, because I'm pretty sure he could help out, but I don't even know how to bring something like this up.  Two more weeks and the big day arrives, so I guess I better figure something out.