Writing Process

I realized yesterday, it helps me to be honest about my process.  So much of my thinking and deciding happens internally.  I don't usually seek outside input in a decision especially if it only affects me.  I don't like sharing things that aren't set in stone.  This is why I've been so wishy-washy about writing.  I'm terrible at self discipline.  I need accountability.  But I can't get accountability without sharing my 'not so fully formed' ideas with other people.  I shared with John yesterday about how hard this was for me to stick with ideas or writing projects I want to do and it felt really good just to admit that to somebody.  I just want to have all my shit together so I can show it to people fully formed and polished but I can't because it's not together. 

This is true in so many areas of life.  I've gotten used to sharing my other insecurities and general brokenness about the way I do things with others (mostly John) but writing is a very personal and important thing to me and it's hard to admit that I don't have it all figured out.  Instead I just pretend that I only care about writing in my personal journals or occasionally updating my blog because that's all I really know how to do.  The truth is I want to do so much more, I just don't have the tools in place to do it. 

I'm hoping that just by being aware of this, I can create some accountability for myself.  I've already come up with a schedule and a general idea, I just need an enforcer.