April 5, 2017

Stages of Motherhood (that I have experienced so far)

The Oh Em Geeee I'm pregnant! stage: the one in which life is exciting and you managed to create a human life.

The OH MY GOD I'M PREGNANT!!! stage: the one in which you're freaking out because you created a human life that you will be responsible for the rest of your life. (Yes your whole life.  Go ask your parents if they still feel responsible for you). 

The Pregnancy is way less fun than movies make it seem stage: the one in which you curse every happy looking pregnant woman you've ever seen because you're miserable and your body hurts all the time. 

The Please kill me I can't stand this anymore stage: the one in which you never want to be pregnant ever again. 

The Brand-new baby stage: the one is which you're completely in love with this new little life and can't believe there was actually a baby in you the whole time even though you knew that's the whole reason you were doing it in the first place. 

The OH MY GOD I HAVE A BABY! stage: the one in which you freak the fuck out because you're baby is crying and you don't know how to make him stop and WHO THE FUCK DECIDED YOU WERE QUALIFIED TO HAVE A BABY! 

The Newborn stage: the one in which you barely get any sleep and you and your partner frequently snap at each other because you're barely getting any sleep and you're life has completely changed.

The regular baby stage: the one in which you feel confident in your abilities and start getting out of the house more often.

The beginning of the toddler stage: the one in which you realize your baby is turning into a toddler and its sooooo cute because they're starting to act like a kid and walk everywhere. 

The oh fuck he's a toddler stage: the one in which all of your exercise is keeping your toddler away from dangerous stuff that can kill him or stuff he can break. 

The WHEN THE FUCK IS TODDLERHOOD OVER!? stage: the one in which you find out just how loud you are able to yell. 

The I think we're doing a pretty good job, we should have another one stage: the one in which you decide to have another baby.

The why did we decide to have another baby? stage: the one in which your 6 months pregnant and chasing a toddler who just gets faster and smarter every day. 

The second new baby stage: in which you realize 2 kids isn't really double the work and feel awesome about having 2 kids. 

The oh my God is my baby a year old already? stage: in which you realize time goes WAY faster for the second kid than it ever did with the first. 

And finally, the Goldfish crackers in my pants stage: the one in which my almost not a toddler anymore follows me into the bathroom and spills his goldfish crackers everywhere while I'm peeing. 

I'll admit, that last one is less of a stage and more of an isolated incident.  Although he does like to follow me into the bathroom and keep me company while I pee.  Kids love to be all up in your business all the time. 

No comments:

Post a Comment