This is the last post I plan to write dealing with confession. To be fair, I'm really only talking about it because I don't have anything else to talk about today. I've been reading a book on psychopathy, but I'm not sure I really want to discuss that at all. It's been interesting, if a bit unsettling. But I digress...
So, I do actually feel a lot better today. Who would have guessed? These things that I've been struggling with all my life, put into perspective, and coupled with a few words of absolution really have left me feeling better. It's almost doubly so because there was no judgemental repercussions involved with telling someone about the wrong-doings in my life. This is something I have struggled with time and again in Protestant churches. Whenever I have talked to a minister of some sort about something very private, it has either ended up as church gossip, or they have told my parents about it. Not so with the Catholic church. I know that what I said isn't going to get spread around, because the priest can't say anything to anyone. Also, there's something therapeutic and freeing about being able to unburden your conscience on someone else without fear of social reprisal. I don't know. Overall, the whole being nervous thing was for nothing, especially since I really do feel better now than I did before.
And that's all that I'm going to say on that. Four or five posts about one topic is even too much for me. Sorry!
Showing posts with label confession. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confession. Show all posts
March 26, 2013
March 25, 2013
Confessions of an RCIA Candidate Part III
I just got back from my first confession. But I'd like to back this up a bit.
I had such a hard time today with wrapping my head around the idea of going to confession today. I couldn't eat anything past noon and I was just a nervous wreck on my way to the church. I did manage to memorize the act of contrition prayer, but I had such a hard time trying to remember it that I accidentally ended up remembering that and forgetting what I needed to confess. Our church had three other priests to help out with the reconciliation services for Easter, so I had every intention of going to someone I didn't know, but my sponsor recommended we go to one of our priests...the one who was doing face to face confessions in public. You can guess that my heart was really pounding by now.
So there I stood in line, mentally rehersing the act of contrition prayer and the other things I had to say, compiling a mental list of things to confess that I kept thinking about, worrying about having to do a face to face confession and wanting nothing better than to walk out of the church, because this is the thing that I have been dreading. And...it was really no big deal. I did manage to remember most of everything I needed to confess, at least the important parts, but then I didn't need to say the act of contrition prayer, so....yeah. Life is like that sometimes.
I guess I feel better now, but I don't know whether I feel better because my sins have been absolved or whether I feel better because I'm done with my first confession. I'll know tomorrow.
As a side note: This is the 200th post for our blog! Woo!
I had such a hard time today with wrapping my head around the idea of going to confession today. I couldn't eat anything past noon and I was just a nervous wreck on my way to the church. I did manage to memorize the act of contrition prayer, but I had such a hard time trying to remember it that I accidentally ended up remembering that and forgetting what I needed to confess. Our church had three other priests to help out with the reconciliation services for Easter, so I had every intention of going to someone I didn't know, but my sponsor recommended we go to one of our priests...the one who was doing face to face confessions in public. You can guess that my heart was really pounding by now.
So there I stood in line, mentally rehersing the act of contrition prayer and the other things I had to say, compiling a mental list of things to confess that I kept thinking about, worrying about having to do a face to face confession and wanting nothing better than to walk out of the church, because this is the thing that I have been dreading. And...it was really no big deal. I did manage to remember most of everything I needed to confess, at least the important parts, but then I didn't need to say the act of contrition prayer, so....yeah. Life is like that sometimes.
I guess I feel better now, but I don't know whether I feel better because my sins have been absolved or whether I feel better because I'm done with my first confession. I'll know tomorrow.
As a side note: This is the 200th post for our blog! Woo!
March 24, 2013
Confession Part II
We had our discussion about confession today for our last RCIA class. It's great how people can keep completely alleviating my concerns only for them to resume worse than ever. I don't want to go tomorrow. I know it's pretty much because it's just a new experience, that it's uncomfortable and all that jazz, but...no, no. I am really freaking out here.
They ran through a fake confession for us to watch and get an idea of how things go. I think I either zoned out or just was too freaked to really hear how it went, but I don't remember ANY of it. Augh! I guess on the one hand, I'm glad that I'm converting now before I get too much older. Doing a first confession in my 20's is easier than doing it when I'm older, but still pretty difficult. More updates tomorrow, for now I'm going to try to distract my mind with other things.
They ran through a fake confession for us to watch and get an idea of how things go. I think I either zoned out or just was too freaked to really hear how it went, but I don't remember ANY of it. Augh! I guess on the one hand, I'm glad that I'm converting now before I get too much older. Doing a first confession in my 20's is easier than doing it when I'm older, but still pretty difficult. More updates tomorrow, for now I'm going to try to distract my mind with other things.
March 16, 2013
The Big C
So, I've been putting off this post because I just haven't wanted to think about my big hang-up with becoming Catholic: Confession.
I am completely petrified about confession. I have talked with a lot of people about it, and even though my concerns are alleviated, it doesn't really help the situation any. First off, I'm slightly claustrophobic and those booths aren't very big. I could open the window to talk with the priest face to face and make it seem like there's more space, but that leads into my second fear. I don't trust people very well. Like, at all. I've had problems in the past with the church where I have gone to someone I trust to talk about issues I'm having and the next thing I know, it's church gossip. While I have been assured that priests cannot under any circumstances break their silence on this issue, and while I realize I don't even have to worry about it, this has been so common an occurrence in every protestant church I've been a part of that I can't get over my anxiety.
The third issue is that I have to make my first confession at an age where I have a lot of significant things to confess for. As if my anxieties weren't enough of an issue. Working up the courage to go, let alone say all that I've done wrong to be forgiven is nerve wrecking. I know I really ought to talk with Father about this, because I'm pretty sure he could help out, but I don't even know how to bring something like this up. Two more weeks and the big day arrives, so I guess I better figure something out.
I am completely petrified about confession. I have talked with a lot of people about it, and even though my concerns are alleviated, it doesn't really help the situation any. First off, I'm slightly claustrophobic and those booths aren't very big. I could open the window to talk with the priest face to face and make it seem like there's more space, but that leads into my second fear. I don't trust people very well. Like, at all. I've had problems in the past with the church where I have gone to someone I trust to talk about issues I'm having and the next thing I know, it's church gossip. While I have been assured that priests cannot under any circumstances break their silence on this issue, and while I realize I don't even have to worry about it, this has been so common an occurrence in every protestant church I've been a part of that I can't get over my anxiety.
The third issue is that I have to make my first confession at an age where I have a lot of significant things to confess for. As if my anxieties weren't enough of an issue. Working up the courage to go, let alone say all that I've done wrong to be forgiven is nerve wrecking. I know I really ought to talk with Father about this, because I'm pretty sure he could help out, but I don't even know how to bring something like this up. Two more weeks and the big day arrives, so I guess I better figure something out.
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