I Did Follow Through!

I know I said I would blog every Tuesday but last week didn't count for.... reasons.  And then today I thought "Maybe I'll start next week" but I realized Bishop doesn't have school next week which is when I said I would take my breaks from blogging so I thought "I better do it now before I slack off too much and this whole thing crashes and burns before it even gets off the ground".  So here I am, showing up to my self-imposed obligations.  I would be so proud of me!  I AM so proud of me.  I'm right here, I can just ask myself questions whenever I want.  And I do all time because my brain is an unstoppable question machine.  Is it any wonder that I made Bishop, who can literally not stop asking questions?  I like to blame John for his boisterous personality (I mean it's partially his fault) but his questioning nature is all me.  Bishop is what you would hear if I ever bothered to tell anyone what I was thinking about.  Except the questions would be more age appropriate.  But when I was 5, I was asking all the same questions in my head and just making up my own answers I guess.  I also have a very active imagination.  One time, my classmate told me that one of the bus drivers got fired and I legit thought she was dead.  Like "You're bad at your job, we're gonna fire you out of this cannon.  Goodbye" and I was terrified about getting fired until I saw her a few weeks later and thought to myself "she didn't get fired, she's right there." 

Am I getting off topic?  Was there a topic to begin with?  It has been 13 days since I blogged so I guess my mind is just full of rambly thoughts that I haven't had a chance to share with anyone.  Or maybe I just feel amped up right now cause I've had a busy day.  I did one whole thing.  If you use the introvert conversion, that's like a million things.  Also that one thing I did involved me talking for an hour so you can convert that to 10 million things.  I did 100 million things today.  And I'm still blogging.  And now I'm done.  See you in 2 weeks. 

PS - I just proof read this before posting and it was LOADED with mistakes.  Not spelling mistakes, because spell check catches that stuff right away but like "you missed a whole word" type mistakes and I originally wrote conversation instead of conversion.  Totally different meaning. 

Long Days, Long Nights

I was about to go to bed when I realized, "Hey, did you post today?  I don't think so.  Did you post yesterday?  NO!?"

I fail at Lent and Lent blogging.  I almost doubly failed.  I only have eight minutes to post something and I had every intention of making sure it was going to be something of quality today.  Instead, I spent today at a retreat at church, then at my sister's place, then with friends.  And all these things were awesome, but they have also made it so that thinking is pretty much impossible right now.

I did get to play a video game from my childhood that I had never played before, however.  I turns out that while I spent countless hours becoming awesome at Game Cube's Smash Brothers Melee, I am AWFUL at the original Smash Brothers.  By the time I finally figured out how to jump so that I wasn't constantly dying on the edge of the map, I was out of our series of matches.  So much for "I'll figure it out quickly and dominate".  Despite the lag, I was actually quite surprised by how quick the characters responded to the controls.  We're so used to instantaneous responses now, I'm wondering how I ever used to play some of these games.  I'm going to have to dig my Nintendo 64 out of wherever it is and recapture some of my last youth.

More Randomness

I keep forgetting that it's only mid-March.  The end of Lent seems like it's just around the corner, and it feels like it only just began.  I don't think I'm doing very well this Lent with any of my stuff other than the blog.  Although I have been praying more, I'm not sure I'm actually devoting the time to it that I should be.  Also, I keep forgetting to use the nifty website to keep me going with the calorie counting.  I never developed the habit, I guess.

At least I've remembered to update the blog with Angela.  I think I only missed one day so far and that was by accident.  I've been trying to blog in the mornings if I can so that I don't forget to do it later in the day, but I've also been pretty good about remembering anyway.  It's been on my mind the most too.  I keep trying to come up with things to blog about, but something always pops into my head eventually.  There's a post I've been working on in the interim, but I'm not sure when it will finally make its appearance.  It's one of deep thought and contemplation, so I probably won't get around to posting it for several years.  That seems to be how those go.  Although every Sunday, all the short stories I've been posting have been ideas that I've been meaning to get around to eventually, so it could be sooner rather than later pending on when my brain decides to producing coherent ideas.  And I didn't forget to post today, I just needed some time to think about what I wanted to post.  I've run out of time.  Drat.

Serious Misconceptions

I haven't done very much posting on things inspirational this year.  Going back and looking at most of my blog posts, I'm actually a little surprised.  Maybe I just have memories of doing something terribly profound, but ultimately I just resolve into gibberish?  For some reason whenever I get ready to start up this Lent blog again, I always have memories of really intense posts talking about my religious journey.  Most of my posts are not anything like that.  They're just random and weird.

This actually did get me thinking about something else, though.  How much of my life do I actually remember properly?  I can go back and check these blogs and say to myself, "No...no, Kris this is not how you remember it at all.  These are not deep thoughts."  Those memories of writing a great many deep blogs are still there, though, still intact.  Apparently even when faced with the evidence that something I remember isn't actually how I remember it, my brain clings to this lie it has created.

What else am I misremembering?

I read somewhere that your brain tends to focus on good, positive, uplifting things which is why you might remember the time with your horrible ex as one of the best in your life.  If our brains are wired to remembering good things, that's kind of awesome and awful at the same time.  It's like having a friend that doesn't want to see you hurt, so they just bring up all the good things you've done, or all the positive aspects of a really horrible outfit, so that you smile.  "Nah, we totally nailed the last few Lent Blogs," says Kris' brain, "We were deep and witty and entertaining.  Now listen to this song you haven't heard in forever.  That's nice, isn't it?  It's beautiful day, smile and forget that we actually suck at blogging."

This is all a farce, however.  Our brains are befriending us because they know all our secrets and one day they'll use this against us.  Like after a night of drinking they might come back against us with pain and all the bitter memories of everything we've ever done.  "Oh hey, having a hard time remembering stuff from last night?  Remember that time in 2nd grade when Jenny told you you were stupid in front of everyone?  Remember how much that sucked?  Or that time you were caught in a lie and got grounded for a week?  Hey, what about that accident you caused and everyone hated you for it?  Remember that?  I do.  You know what else I remember?  I remember you TRYING TO KILL ME with that alcohol last night, but no hard feelings.  Oh look...awkward teenage rebellion mishaps, let's just play this over and over again all day."

In conclusion, our brains are kind of assholes.

Phoning it In

I guess I should have written this blog this morning when I had some ideas, because I'm not really feeling much like writing this evening.  I can't seem to get inspired.  I even went out of my way to listen to some uplifting music and watch a Disney movie in the hopes that it would help me get in the mood, but nothing seemed to help.  I feel like I'm lacking inspiration.  Which is really, really unusual.  I noticed as I was driving home last night that it's a full moon.  Usually I have a ton of good ideas during a full moon.  Instead, I've just started getting the insomnia.  Last night I didn't sleep terribly well and today I've felt a little off all day.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Productivity and Confusion

I don't really know what got into me today, but I pretty much got everything done I wanted to get done and then some.  I wish I had more days like this.  It must be spring coming around giving me the drive to get everything cleaned up and in order.  Today was kitchen day.  I actually went to the extent of cleaning everything out of my cabinets as well.  I literally have one cabinet which contains oatmeal, maple syrup, and the apple sauce snacks my nephew likes.  This means I have a new baking cabinet for supplies!  I also managed to get all the dishes washed and the fridge cleaned out.

When I went out to get some groceries today, I actually got cat-called.  I've never had this experience before.  Some old gentleman rolled up in his car and yelled, "Hey lady, thanks for being beautiful."  I wasn't really sure how to respond to that other than laughing it off, especially since the guy was in his 80's.  I always thought I might be offended if something like that ever happened, but as it turns out, apparently not.  Although given this particular situation, it might have just been because he was old and for some reason old guys can get away with almost anything.

Ramblings

There are so many things I just want to get into this post right now while I'm inspired.  I've decided to do a series of shorts in a sort of collage because I don't think I can make full posts out of any of them.

The Stone Table

It's not as epic as the Sword in the Stone, but it's basically the same story!  My sister and I came across an advertisement online this past weekend offering a "Free granite table to anyone who could lift it".  Naturally intrigued, we clicked on the link to discover that it was not so much a "table" as much as it was a granite slab just put on top of wooden supports.  We immediately decided that this must be some kind of test.  If you can lift the table, it's yours because you are naturally some manner of royalty right?  If you can lift the table, you can rule from the table.  Too bad it was rectangular instead of round.

Spring at Last!  Spring at Last!

It's finally started to warm up...sort of.  We are STILL getting snow flurries here and there, but overall it is bearable to be outside.  It's also practically jacket weather.  As such, my sister and I have decided to put up a garden.  I can't wait, although the last time we tried this it didn't work out terribly well.  We got like...two small carrots and some mini-corns what had full size kernels.  This year will be different!  Although we are totally going to have to devise a way to keep the rabbits at bay.  Our dog is a good rabbit chaser, but there's only so much she can do at night, and I don't know if we'll get the go ahead to make a fence.  We shall see!

Happy Birthday!

This last is just a shout out to my niece whose birthday it is today.  Lots of love!  I hope your day is wonderful!

Shallow But Deep

I woke up in one of my 'weird' moods today.  I never know whether to attribute these moods to depression or not.  I don't feel sad in particular, but I definitely feel like something is a little 'off'.

For instance, the world just seems a little less sane today.  It feels like so many people are talking about insignificant things.  I'm not the least among them, I realize.  This whole post is about my perception on things, and really that's kind of trivial as well.  Today it just seems more evident to me.  I found myself on facebook looking at posts and wondering "Why am I even here?"

It's not just "the problem of facebook", though.  The whole focus of everything just seems wrong.  I wish I could put my finger on it.

Saints and Cell Phones

Today I remembered the post I wanted to make yesterday.  I also can't remember the last time I actually wrote something about my spiritual journey, so today I'm not taking my sabbatical.  But that's ok too.  I should probably get on trying to do better with my Lent blog, seeing as there's only three weeks or so left.

One of the first weeks of RCIA, we learned about this neat little prayer that was suppose to evoke the help of St. Andrew to help you find lost things.  I thought it was kind of interesting, but I haven't really tried it.  It's just one of those things that stick with you for some reason.  Then yesterday I completely lost my cell phone.  I mean, this sucker was gone.  It was on silence on top of everything else, so there was absolutely no chance of finding it.  I had been all over the house, I'd cleared off every table, I'd gone through boxes and garbage cans, I'd looked in cushions and on the floor.  It.  Was.  Gone.

In a fit of desperation and complete giving up, I used that little prayer from RCIA.  Not two minutes later, my Dad walks into another room and comes back with my cell phone.  It had somehow made its way into our basement.  Go figure.  I'm convinced cell phones are evil buggers that try to lose themselves when it's least convenient just to make our lives miserable.  That's on top of going off at inappropriate times, failing to work properly when we need them to, and arbitrarily dying when you absolutely have to make a phone call to name a few of their delinquent behaviors.  While I'm not saying a Saint had nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon than to come down into my house and find my misbehaving electronic device, it was rather coincidental...and bears watching.

Although if there is a Saint that wants to come down and finish my homework for me like a magical shoe-making elf, I'd be very grateful.

...It Pours!

Part two!

I somehow think I managed to get pink-eye.  I'm not entirely certain how this happened, although from a little internet search online it suggests that I should actually be going to see a physician right now at 10p.m. because what I have isn't pink-eye and may be something worse.  Whatever happened to doctors making house calls?

As such, with me barely being able to see out of one eye, I'm not going to be coming up with anything interesting today.  I'm just miserable now.  I'm still sick with something that resembles strep and now I'm sure I'll have to go to the doctor tomorrow.  And this is really bad because if I have pink-eye, I technically can't be in school as I was planning on being in school tomorrow because of its contageous nature.

Until tomorrow.

Update:  Apparently there's a crazy virus that not only attacks your sinuses and throat, but also your eyes.  Bleck.

Ramblings

If I learned anything about today, it's that I need to find a way to integrate aspects of my life a bit better.  I remember thinking last night about what I'd like to talk about today, but everything's gone.  Life really has a way of making you forget things with complication.  It's a tricky thing.  You try to write stuff down, but you lose the writing, you try to remember, but it fades.  The best you can do is to keep reminding yourself to do better and keep trying to find a system that works.

I left my observation early today.  As I was leaving, I felt such an overwhelming desire to go to my church.  I've been praying for a while for some guidance or direction lately.  I really hate my school.  I know I want to teach, but this has been the most miserable experience.  I found another school I would like to attend to get a secondary degree in Catholic theology, but I just didn't know if that's where I should go, or if I should look for a job or what.  Today, I felt such a strong sensation that I'm where I need to be right now.  Maybe all I really need is a little mentoring.  I don't know.  Perhaps I just need to learn to focus on what's going on what's happening right now a bit better.