On Hold

I think I'm gonna take a break from weekly blogging.  My original thought was that weekly blogging would keep me in the habit of writing so I would be inspired to write more.  But it's not really working that way.  I want to try using this time to write a story that's been developing in my head.  And also craft time.  I've had the crafts ready for like a year and done almost nothing with them. 

Maybe I'll come back to it in a few months.  I just want to see if freeing up my time and brain power will make any difference.  I've already gotten into the habit of using this time for writing so hopefully I can transfer that habit to other stuff. 

I'll probably update randomly if I have anything to actually write about. 

Communicating

I've been thinking about how I communicate lately.  I feel like my default style is all business.  Like someone initiates a conversation with me and my brain goes "okay, what information do they want and what is the quickest possible way I can give it to them?"  I noticed it more since texting became my main form of communication because it leaves less room for improvisation.  If I want to have a friendlier conversation, I have to force myself to go past the mechanics and say something that's not transaction based. 

The better I know someone, the less I do it but it can be hard to get over that threshold.  I'm tempted to say "I wish I was different" but I really don't.  If I change one thing about myself, my whole personality would probably be different.  And if I didn't struggle with this one thing, I would probably struggle with other things.  Like talking too much and accidentally saying something embarrassing.  I've been told by my extrovert friends/ spouse that this is a common problem.  So instead of wishing I was different, I try to learn from those who are.  That's why I married an extrovert.  He does not over think what he wants to say to people.  I've gotten a little better of doing that in person but it's hard to not go straight to the point in texts. 

I guess I could solve that by talking to people on the phone but calling someone on the phone is a literal nightmare.  If I have to call someone on the phone, I spend at least 10 minutes stressing out before I hit the call button.  And then I survive and feel stupid when it's over.  But that doesn't stop me from freaking out every time.  Brains are weird. 

Faking it

On Tuesday I sat down to write my blog (like a consistent person who has their shit together) but then my brain was completely hijacked by financial issues.  Don't worry, we're fine.  We're just planning an expensive vacation.  I just get really uncomfortable spending large amounts of money and it pushed my brain away from writing.  That is why I'm writing BEFORE I pay bills.  That way I can get the creative stuff out of my brain before the numbers kill all of it! 

Marshall is trying to drag me away to look at glow-in-the-dark dinosaur fossils.  We've had this book since before he was born but he's acting like it's completely new to me.  It's like that scene in Parks and Rec when Andy gets 1,000 one dollar bills from the bank and asks the teller if she's ever seen so much money.  Her response is "yeah... I just handed it to you."  I think about that scene every day.  My kids are often acting like I should be super impressed with things I just gave them.  It's a good thing kids don't understand sarcasm because I'm pretty sure most of excitement sounds super sarcastic.  I mean I'm not being a dick on purpose but faking emotions isn't easy. 

Alright, I need to go kill my brain with some numbers. 

Kitten Trees

It's been an eventful week already.  I have a fresh tattoo and I'm on my period!  Sometimes I use exclamation points to talk about awful things because it tricks my brain into thinking bleeding is a fun activity.  If you've never gotten a tattoo while on your period, just know, it's not very fun.  I mean... it was slightly worse than getting a regular tattoo but the aftercare is annoying because I have 2 things to deal with.  I guess it'll be better in the long run cause both of them will be over in a matter of days.  Then I can enjoy the beautiful art for the rest of my life!  And I get bleed all over again next month!  Being a woman is super fun. 

Side note, Marshall is bugging me to watch cat videos on my computer now.  I blame Brandi for tagging me in a video about a tree full of cats.  There weren't even any directions on how to get to the tree.  Just a bunch of adorable felines going "look at how cute we are, don't you wish you could pet us? TOO BAD".  I guess I'll just have to grow my own cat tree.  Then I can post a video of it online and not let anybody come over and pet my cats.  BAM KITTEN THERAPY!  My blog has come full circle from last week.  I could use my kittens to help with my period pains and soreness from future tattoos that I'm gonna get.  I heard that tattoos are addicting but really I think it just seems that way cause it's not like you can get all the tattoos you want overnight.  It takes time so that might seem like an addiction.  I guess you could get them all at once but that would be very expensive.  And painful.  And take A LOT of planning.  I'm not great at planning things and that's the only thing stopping me from doing it.  Part of the planning would involve renting like 50 kittens for my pain management.  I only have one cat so I have to scale back on the pain level accordingly. 

Here's a part of my tattoo.  It took me 4 pictures to get the whole thing and I don't want to post them all.  You'll just have to talk to me to see the whole thing.  I mean unless I'm wearing a sweater and fall is here so that is very likely. 

They're cosmic roses!

Conflict and Kittens

You know what's super fun?  Trying to think of stuff to talk about on my blog while my mind is occupied with subjects I can't talk about in a public space.  I mean I guess I could but it might piss off a few people.  As anyone who has been paying attention knows, I'm super into creating conflict and getting into arguments.  It's basically a hobby. 

I read somewhere that kids can't understand sarcasm until they're like 10 years old.  I was thinking about this last night when John said something super sarcastic to Bishop and I watched it go way over his little head.  I was kinda funny. 

Also I legit do enjoy picking fights and arguing about nothing but it has to be with someone I'm VERY comfortable with and they always understand that I'm joking.  Having a nothing fight is like a hobby in our marriage.  And I think it has sharpened my debate skills.  Although I don't think a lot of my logic would be permissible in a formal debate.  There's a lot of problems I would solve with kitten therapy.  That would only work for a small number of issues.  Like healthcare.  Did you know cat purring has healing properties?  And who purrs the loudest?  Kittens.  We should be getting kittens into every ER like right now.  We would save so much money on surgeons. 

Not Sorry

Here's something I'm trying to stop doing: being apologetic.  My first instinct when I started this post was to say "sorry I missed last week" but you know what?  I'm not sorry.  I was legit busy doing super important life stuff that I don't regret.  It's not something I want to talk about now but I might eventually. 

Also a few days ago, I took a really cute picture of myself that I wanted to share.  My first impulse was to be snarky or cute about why I was posting a picture of myself which I think a lot of people do.  Instead I examined my intentions and just decided to be honest.  I was feeling cute and I wanted to share it.  I'm just scared that I'll come off as vain if I post a picture of myself for no reason that I have to remind myself that it's okay to show off once in a while.  I show my kids off enough cause they're adorable, I might as well show myself off when I feel adorable! 

I'm trying to work on my negative Enneagram 9 tendencies.  My default is to think I don't have much of value to contribute so I kind of blend into the background.  So I'm trying to be present and be myself and not assume other people know life better than me.  I always assume others have more authority.  That might be true sometimes but it doesn't mean I have zero.  I think becoming a parent has really helped me to understand that.  When I have to advocate for others, it helped me see how much power I have out in the world. 

And with my new authority, I will BRING THIS POST TO A CLOSE.  Go home now.  It's over. 

Desk Adventures

Our family is growing up so we've been making some changes around the apartment.  Yesterday I built Bishops new Ikea desk! 

 

It took a few hours and I was pretty exhausted at the end of the day.  But now Bishop has a new homework/ study area!  He's gonna need it for that giant brain of his.  Also....

I can use it as my new blogging space!  There's way less distractions in here.  Marshall is in the living room watching Daniel Tiger while I'm writing. 

Now I just need to organize their book shelf so they can reach all the books they need.  Before the kids would climb on top of the changing table to reach everything.  I placed the desk a few feet away from the bookcase so they don't try to stand on it.  I want this desk to make it to high school at least. 

Janet settled right in.  She didn't even touch the cat bed I bought for her.  Cats are assholes.  That's why they're super cute so we'll put up with their BS.  Just like kids. 

Future Giant

I started my genre short stories last week.  Unfortunately I started with a genre that's not blog appropriate so I can't post it.  I wanted to start with something I could actually show people but my brain was stuck on "I wonder if I could write a romance novel...".   The answer is I don't know because I didn't finish it. 

I think my next story will be in the horror genre.  I think I'd be good at writing horror because everything scares me.  Or maybe I'd be terrible at it because everything scares me.  I'll guess I'll have to try it to figure it out. 

Now that Bishop is in 1st grade, he has PE in school.  His shoes were starting to fall apart so I took him shopping this weekend.  He now has a size 2.  I'm scared for our future food budget.  He already eats like a garbage disposal.  Last night he ate my salmon skin that I didn't want and the rest of Marshall's dinner.  This morning he made himself a sandwich with honey and sprinkles.  He got in trouble for that one and he said it wasn't worth it cause it tasted disgusting.  That's a win-win for me.  It would be awesome if all his misbehavior turned out that badly for him.  That's the dream. 

Of course the downside is now I have to deal with a Bishop who can't play video games.  I'm gonna have to come up with some creative ways for him to earn it back.  Maybe this will a good opportunity to stop all the bickering.  

Conflict

Summer break is over!  I'm so glad it's only 2 months.  I don't know how much more of it I could handle.  Bishop and Marshall's new favorite activity is fighting about everything.  Sometimes they fight for fun, sometimes Marshall makes Bishop mad on purpose and vice versa, and sometimes they're legit mad at each other for reasons that are very hard to figure out.  It's nice that they are now separated 6 hours a day so they have less opportunity to fight and they seem to like each other more when they are together.  I also have more energy now.  I cleaned the whole kitchen on Bishops first day back.  It was super clean for like half a day.  Now I just need to do the whole rest of the apartment! 

The most exciting thing we did this summer was go see Hugh Jackman Live!  It was a great show and you could tell he was having a lot of fun doing it.  We were planning that trip for 9 months.  Everything went smoothly and we went to Santa Cruz the next day because my parents offered to keep the kids an extra day.  So the kids got to bond with Grandma and Grandpa and we got to live like we were dating again.  It was like time travel but better cause we appreciated our time more.  Also it's nice to have an opportunity to miss our kids because we appreciate them more too. 

I've been thinking about what kind of stories I want to write and I might start posting some short stories on this blog.  I tend to think too big scale but I should really start with some small stuff.  I want to try writing at least one story in every genre.  I think that would be a fun exercise. 

Week One

I'm still alive.  I haven't had ANY wine yet.  Who could have predicted that?  I think in anticipation of losing my mind, I was able to plan my days carefully so I haven't gone crazy yet.  I noticed the first days of this week are supposed to be up in the 100s so I took the kids outside early in the day.  It's actually nice to hang outside when it's still 75 out while I sip my coffee and watch the kids play.  I brought a towel and just chilled on the grass.  I might keep doing it even when it's not going to be super hot out. 

Also the summer is still young.  There's still plenty of time to go crazy.  I'm not trying to say 2.5 days of sanity equals success.  My kids fight for fun now so it's only a matter of time before my patience wears thin. 

I have started working on my other writing exercises.  I was inspired by listening to a stand-up routine and now I have 4 almost fully fleshed out characters.  I've been working on it every day for almost a week now.  Maybe it'll actually turn into something this time.  It feels a lot more doable than most of my past ideas.  I'm feeling hopeful.  And a lot more day-dreamy than usual.  I think that's a good sign.  So best case scenario: I'll have a rough draft by the end of the summer.  Worst case: I'll never finish it and forget it ever happened.  Hopefully I'll end up somewhere in between. 

So I'm taking a few months off.  I'll be back in August! 

Summer Break

Yes, I'm blogging on back-up day again.  I made a rookie mistake on Tuesday.  I got out my computer with a plan to pay bills and then blog.  That never works.  Paying bills always sucks all the creativity out of my body.  It's basically like salting the ground in my brain.  I could have tried to reset and blog later in the day but I had too much stuff to do.  So that bring me to today!  And it just happens to be Bishops last day of school.  They had their official end of Kindergarten ceremony yesterday.  I'm pretty sure today is just one giant party.  Now I have to figure out what to do with Bishop all summer.  Thank God it's only 2 months. 

It's probably a good thing I'm not blogging while he's out of school.  My writing would just be a slow spiral into insanity.  That may sound entertaining but.... no it'll probably be entertaining.  Or boring if I adjust quickly.  I expect to go through significantly more wine than usual.  That may sound alarming but my usual rate is one bottle every 2-3 months.  So I'll probably get up to one per week.  It's not even about being prude, my tummy just can't handle a lot of alcohol.  Most of my diet is planned around not getting a tummy ache.  Maybe I should be eating more tums.  I am over 30, it should be part of my diet now.  Then I can drink as much as I want!  That's how it works right? 

So I guess I'll let everyone know how it's going next week when I do my make-up blog.  After that, I'm gonna peace out until August.  Maybe I'll work on some private writing stuff.  I've been meaning to do that along with blogging but, since there's no accountability, it kinda got pushed aside. 

Napa Adventure

It's Tuesday!  And I'm blogging on Tuesday!  I thought about waiting until back-up day because I have chores to catch up on but I decided to not be lazy.  It's not like I'm gonna be constantly cleaning all day.  Although sometimes when I start cleaning things, it turns into a frenzy.  That's because I run on inertia.  Man, if I just never stop moving, think of all I could accomplish.

Anyway, John and I went to Bottlerock on Sunday.  It was my first festival ever!  Although it did feel similar to being at the fair just with better music.  And no rides.  We got to see Mumford and Sons!  They put on a great show.  It was totally worth the hours of standing.  Then when it was over, everyone left at once.  We all walked down the street like some kind of traffic flash mob.  It looked insane.  Luckily we parked far enough away that we avoided all that nonsense.  We only hit one slow down on our way out.  It was a lot of fun but I don't know if I would do it again.  It was so crowded.  There would have to be a band I REALLY wanted to see and I don't know if that band exists.  Yet.

I kinda feel the same as when we went to Vegas.  Like, it was fun but I can't imagine ever wanting to go back.  I like visiting places with less people and more trees.  Or waves.  I haven't been to the ocean in a while. 

This was one of the only normal pictures cause John kept making faces