Reminiscing

Do you ever remember something small and suddenly feel transported into your past?  Like you just suddenly remember what it felt like to be there in that moment?  And it's weird because my whole life was completely different; it's almost like I was a different person.  And then I try to remember what it felt like to be that person.  It was confusing but also a lot more carefree. 

I was thinking of one of those rare times when I was able to let loose and all my crazy came out.  It was at a slumber party in middle school.  I didn't know most of the people there which is what made it rare.  Usually I have to be an absurd amount of comfortable before I would even think of letting my crazy out.  But every once in a while, there would be a perfect storm of circumstance and it was like a switch went off in my brain and I just didn't care what I was saying or doing and my self consciousness went on vacation or something.  Kind of like when I get drunk but I wasn't a delinquent so that didn't happen until after high school. 

Anyway, I was just thinking what if one of those girls saw me later in school and just expected me to be this crazy eccentric extrovert and then they literally never heard me talk again?  That's a thought that's literally never crossed my mind until now.  It's weird to think about how with the crazy amount of self conscious I was, I actually didn't spend much time wondering what people thought about me or what kind of impression I made.  In high school, people often told me they thought I hated them at first and I'm pretty sure my first thought was "omg, they know I exist".  Its like my self consciousness only lives in the present.  After that, it's got other things to worry about.  Unless I embarrassed myself, then it thinks it's important to constantly remind me.  But if I'm just silent through an interaction, I never think "I wonder if they think I'm quiet and weird and hate them" which I'm pretty sure is what people actually think of me.  This is why I married John.  He's the public face of our marriage.  My PR guy. 

Last Week My Head Tried to Kill Me

I had to skip blogging last week.  Although technically I didn't break my own rule because Bishop stayed home sick that day.  But I would have broken it because I had a migraine that was trying to destroy me from the inside and I couldn't look at screens without making the migraine mad.  It went away on Wednesday but it took almost a full week to fully recover.  Now I have "migraine hangover" in my search history and some mild PTSD.  I feel really sorry for whoever has to live with those on a regular basis.  And I really hope mine don't become a regular thing.  Not fun. 

And now my little smarty-pants Bishop is reading over my shoulder.  Nothing is safe anymore!  Although I usually blog when he's at school.  I wish I could say I have an awesome excuse but the truth is I was just being lazy.  I blame the migraine hangover.  The one that's pretty much gone. 

Bishops spring break is in a few weeks.  He gets 2 whole weeks so I guess I won't be blogging for a bit.  Maybe I'll work on my other writing project.  It's entirely in my head right now.  That's where most of my ideas stay.  Unless it's a crafting idea, then there's a 90% chance I have most of the materials sitting in my bedroom next to some half finished stuff. 

Anyway... here's Bishop with a mustache.  It was for school.  

My Hat

Yesterday was crazy hat day at Bishops school.  Since he doesn't really have any hats, I let him wear mine.  Marshall got super jealous and started crying as we left.  Bishop let him wear it during the walk to school.  That made everyone happy.  

Sometimes he's super considerate like that and I didn't even have to ask him.  Or subtly hint.  He made that decision all on his own.  

I wish that was the end of the story.  My hat came home broken.  I mean I'm not that surprised.  I did send it to school with a 5 year old.  He told his teacher I could sew it back.  So it should be fixed in about 6 months.  It took me months to fix a button on Johns shirt.  And it was his favorite shirt too.  But the penguin hat is mine and no one is waiting on me to fix it so it'll probably never get done.  But it's okay.  I have another penguin hat somewhere.  

The moral of this story is: always have a back up penguin hat.  You never know when you might need it.