So Tired!

I have been so awful at doing this for the last few days.  I pretty much have been passing out when I get home anymore.  I can tell that I am really needing to catch up on on sleep.  Life has been pretty boring, it's just been working and sleep for the last few days.  I plan on hitting that up afterwards.  But don't worry, I've still been praying!

Prayers tonight are for faith.

The Magical World of Imagination

I was in a deep conversation with a friend of mine today about how the world would be in different scenarios.  This got me thinking about how magic would come into the world if we lived in a world where magic existed.  I started thinking about J. K. Rowling's universe and it occurred to me how much magic is an extension of imagination.  Harry lives with very practical and no nonsense Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon who are raising a perfectly normal Dudley, thank you very much.  She even named the unmagical child "Dudley" a perfectly dull name that makes you think of a "dud" or something that doesn't function the way it should.  And if you don't think she picks her names with intent, you really don't understand anything she's done at all.  The Dursleys are as normal as it gets and of course they're nonmagical, they don't have an ounce of whimsy about them and aside from lying, they're rather unimaginative.  Even their lies aren't that imaginative, really.  It's heavily emphasized in the movies at least that Lily was the artistic type.  You just have to look at the pictures of her with James to see that she could be an artist in any other movie.  The story about the fish bowl and the flower petal just shows that she is very creative.

If eyes are the windows of the soul, the fact that Harry has his mother's eyes tells us that despite looking like James, his resemblance to his mother is the most striking thing about him.  Both Lily and James are magical, of course, but this just furthers the emphasis on his pedigree as being a child of creative people and therefore being a child born to magic.

Muggles pretty much fade into the background as being people who don't really "see" the world around them.  Most of the muggles we come across are perfectly normal as well.  This is completely contrasted by the very diverse and whimsical world of magic that Harry finds himself in, where practically anything can happen, because magic.  This really makes the books start to fall apart when you think too hard about them, because the way magic behaves doesn't make a lot of sense at all.  But if you consider that magic is an allegory for imagination, then it doesn't have to make sense, because imagination isn't always linear and doesn't necessarily conform to rules as such.  Our brains are powerful tools, but we aren't always in control of our thoughts or able to articulate or formulate things terribly well.

We can also look at the characters in the story to see how this relationship is furthered.  Let's take a look at three particular characters:  Dumbledore, Voldemort, and Filch.  Dumbledore is seen as the equal to and better of Voldemort.  A lot of Dumbledore's quotes get thrown around as being wisdom, but when you start to dissect and really consider it, they're often times nonsensical.  There are elements of truth to them and they hit your ear well, but they don't always stand to reason.  If Dumbledore is the embodiment of imagination at its best, then it doesn't matter that he doesn't always make sense.  He's an artist in the purest sense.  He's powerful because he's unlocked his mind to the possibilities within it, and he may not always make a lot of sense to everyone else, but he understands the world in a way most wizards and witches can't comprehend, simply by understanding the power of imagination.  Voldemort becomes the embodiment of misuse of imagination.  He wants the kind of power that Dumbledore has, and if we accept the hints to Dumbledore's dark past, he may well have been on his way to discovering for himself how to unlock those secrets.  Perhaps by delving into the darkest possibilities of imagination, Dumbledore gained understanding and wisdom of magic that surpassed all others, and perhaps Voldemort might have reached the same enlightenment and his "evil" ways were the result of frustrations at not being able to unlock these mysteries in an immediate sense.  Or perhaps Voldemort embodies the kind of awful and sick things that come with misuse of imagination; his lack of control counters Dumbledore's mastery.  The struggle between darker musings of the brain such as depression, and the lighter side of the brain when creativity flows.  Lastly, Filch being one of the only squibs we see in the series.  He comes from a wizarding family but has no magic.  Filch is often depicted as irritable, but he's hardly as creative in his punishments as we're lead to believe.  He's a care taker and even with is apparent interest in capitol punishment, forcing students to clean or work as a form of punishment or to beat/torture them are hardly novel concepts.  These things have been done for ages.  He's a man living in a world of whimsy and creativity, but he doesn't seem to possess an ounce of it for himself.  He's practically as Dursley-ish and uninteresting as any other muggle in the book.

I could go on and on, but I think I've taken up enough time just tossing some ideas out there.

Today's prayer is for creation.

Bright Side!

I had such a strange day today.  It's been one of those days where nothing has gone exactly right, but nothing is going terribly wrong either.  I had such a hard time getting up this morning and I missed out on exercising as I had intend to do today, but I got a lot done at work today which was really exciting.  I also accidentally ripped the back of my pants out on a shelf a work which was thriller.  It wasn't a full blown emergency pants situation, but there was definite exposure risk at play.  It happened RIGHT after lunch, of course.  Otherwise I would have been able to go home and change and come back.  But this worked out too, because I got to spend the evening shopping with Emilee!

Today's prayer is for joy.

Blogging is hard

It's not that I don't have time to blog.  I could make time if I wanted to.  It's just that my brain isn't working the same way it used to.  I'm literally adjusting to a different life now.  Every time something big happens in my life, I become a slightly different person.  I don't think my brain knows how to cope with all this change and blog every day. 

I mean there are interruptions as well.  Just writing that short paragraph, I was interrupted twice by both of my kids.  It's my first day alone with both of them.  For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to go to the park.  Well it wasn't my idea; Bishop was insisting heavily on getting his shoes on and going bye bye.  He's just too cute to say no to.  He also got 3 bites of my donut just because he said please so nicely.  Anyway our trip to the park just ended up being a short walk cause I realized it was a stupid idea to let Bishop run around while I had a baby strapped to me.  I can't run very fast that way.  So he's playing outside instead.  He's making a huge mess but at least I don't have to chase after him. 

Putting the Pieces Back Together

My bestie from high school came back to town this week and we got to spend the whole day together.  It's insane how you can be away from someone for so long, and yet when they come back it's like they never left.  I know I go to see her every once in a while, but I can't remember the last time we just got together and went out to do things just the two of us.  Maybe last year over the summer sometime.  She made a comment today about how everyone was coming back to town and it was almost like a sitcom.  I totally agree with this.  My life is definitely like a sitcom, it just doesn't always flow together as well as a sitcom story tends to.  I blame scripting issues for this really.

It's a strange feeling to be coming back to a point in life from ten years ago, but I look forward to seeing where this plot is going!

Today's prayer is for love.

Failing, Failing, Failing

I thought I had posted last night, but I guess I didn't.  I apparently imagined an entire post that I don't remember now.  This is sad.

Today I had one of my Ministry Formation classes, this one was on recent Church history from the 1600's onward.  It's crazy how much history went down in four hundred years.  Then again, it's crazy how much history went down over history.  We look back on our past with a nebulous sense of happening, but when you stop to examine it, there is an overwhelming sense of liveliness.  Someone lived these things.  People lived these things.  This is where we come from.  It doesn't matter what your culture is or who you are now.  In the time that humans have existed events happened which have shaped all of us and brought us to this point in time today.  We, in turn, are shaping the events of tomorrow.  Whether we're the people who will be remembered in the centuries to come or the faceless crowd that lived it is both up to us and entirely out of our hands.

Today's prayer is for hope.

Yesterday's prayer was for faith.

Omen

I was on my way home tonight and had a strange run in.  A pair of eyes were bobbing up and down along the road and after a few minutes, this fuzzy black creature came into view.  I had to swerve out of the way to avoid it, and I'm still not sure what it was.  I think maybe it was a cat, but I'm not sure.  It didn't really look like a raccoon.  At the same time, every radio station I turned to had a song about the devil.  It was weird, and I'm positive it was a coincidence...but it was still weird.

Today's prayer is for faith.

Where I'm Supposed to Be

Sometimes in life, when you start to wonder what's going on and whether your decisions have been good ones, when you feel like you're just treading water and you're wondering what it's all about, you have a one of those "It's a Wonderful Life" moments.  I've been doing a lot of questioning about whether I'm where I'm supposed to be, but more and more I'm seeing that where I'm supposed to be right now isn't where I think I should be.  I had another moment at the beginning of Lent when I was praying about what I should do for Lent, and instead of coming up with something necessarily, I felt like I was being asked a question; whether I could put myself aside.  I don't know if I've done this, but looking back on the past few weeks and seeing all the ways that I've been able to help others has shown me that I can do better, do more.

Today's prayer is for vocations.

Living in the Fridge

So last Wednesday, my fridge decided to die on me.  To add insult to injury, it also started blowing hot air on all the things.  I unplugged it and cleaned out much of the freezer, but after a certain point I decided that since Tuesday night is garbage night, it wouldn't hurt anything to leave the rest of the contents in the fridge until the following week.  After all, what was the worst that could happen?

Answer:  the entire fridge got moldy.  Everything inside.  For some reason the concept that things are securely wrapped did not give me pause to consider that they may not be as secure as I'd like to think, or that the fridge would take to molding so rapidly in just a week.  These things are meant to be cold for a reason, and it is honestly INSANE what happens inside of a fridge when it gets warm.

Today's prayer is for the RCIA candidates.  Yesterday's was for our priests.

Haiku in Motion

I am exhausted.
Driving is a chore--WOAH! DEER!
Well...now I'm awake.

Today's prayer is for our priests.

Adulting

So I realized as I got into bed last night that I forgot to post, but I was too tired to get up and do so.  I am sorry about this.  I did remember to pray yesterday though.  Yesterday's prayer was for peace.

Today I did a lot of adult things, hence the title.  I mean, seriously today was the most adult day I've ever done.  Let me break it down for you:

Yesterday I came home to find that the elliptical I bought just before the fridge died and consequently couldn't return arrived.  Well, I could have but it would have been a pain and honestly I wanted to keep it since I used Christmas money to buy it.  Part of me wanted to spend the evening putting it together, but the other part of me decided that I might do something on a Friday night, so I decided not to and watched Charlotte's Web instead (this is not the adult part, obviously).

This morning I woke up really early for a Saturday and came downstairs to begin to put my elliptical together.  It took an hour to get it halfway built and then I had to go do my taxes.  I spent another hour doing taxes with my rep (btw, if you need a good tax rep hit me up, my people are topnotch!).  On my way back into town, I decided to take my boss up on the offer for overtime and spent three hours at work.  After that I went shopping because I have no food in the house, then I came home and spent the next hour finishing building my elliptical.  Immediately after, I decided to test it out and pushed myself to do ten minutes of exercise.  I know it doesn't sound like much, but you don't want to hurt yourself, and this little machine is pretty intense.  I'm sure I'll get my money out of it and I look forward to working my way up to doing more.

I remember when I was a kid, Saturdays were all about video games and relaxing.  I feel much more fulfilled today actually doing things.  A piece of my childhood soul has died.

Today's prayer is for my church's missionary team.

My Crazy Birth Story

So I've been meaning to write my birth story out because it's a crazy story and I need to write it down before I forget what happened.  I mean if that's even possible.  Although I'm already starting to forget how much it hurt.  All I know is, it was a lot.  So here it is.  Hopefully I do it justice. 

First I'll start by saying Marshall was breech.  He was breech since the first time they looked at him on the ultrasound and of course there was plenty of time for him to turn around since then but he never did.  The doctor checked at 35 weeks, still breech.  I made a weak effort to turn him based on stuff I read on the internet.  The doctor checked him at almost 37 weeks, still breech.  I made a panicked effort to flip him at home almost daily because I realized his chances of flipping were growing slimmer.  In the meantime, we made an appointment to have him flipped by doctors on the morning of the 23rd.  If it was successful, it would ensure that he was delivered safely and naturally.  If it was unsuccessful, it would mean I would need a c-section. 

On the morning of the 22nd, I was waking up and preparing myself to get out of bed when my water broke.  I was pretty sure he had not flipped on his own so I knew there was a very high chance of getting a c-section.  I called John who was at work already and he rushed home to get me.  Bishop was born 4 hours after my water broke so we knew the clock was ticking and Marshall would probably be here even faster.  We drove to the hospital with Bishop because his babysitter for the day was meeting us there.  By the time we get there, my contractions are pretty painful so we went right to the front entrance.  We are greeted by Linda who goes to our church and also volunteers at the hospital on Mondays.  It was a nice surprise to see a friendly face.  She got me a wheelchair and helped us get upstairs to labor and delivery.  We checked in, at some point Bishop took off with Larry and I was admitted to triage. 

They checked to make sure my water had broken (which seemed like a waste of time; I had literally lost cups of it at that point).  Then they checked to see how dilated I was and it was at this point they felt a foot instead of a head.  So they did an ultrasound to double check and see where the head was.  He was still breech of course.  They explained to me that I would need a c-section because they don't deliver breech babies anymore.  So I have to sign release forms and I have to talk to the anesthesiologist about how they're going to numb me during the procedure.  This whole time I'm still having pretty painful contractions and I'm thinking "okay can we just hurry this up so I can stop feeling all this pain because they'll just cut him out anyway."  I don't know how long it actually took them to prep the OR but it felt like forever because I was laying there just dealing with contractions. 

By the time they're ready for me, I don't feel confident walking so they just wheeled me in on the bed I was already laying on.  Since they had to numb me, John had to wait outside until the epidural was done.  But he never got a chance to come in.  As soon as they tried to move me unto the table, I had a really bad contraction.  Then as soon as they got me on the table, I felt like pushing.  At this point, it was just pandemonium.  Doctors were yelling over each other, they were telling me not to push and that they needed to knock me out for an emergency c-section.  I was panicking because I was trying not to push but my body was having none of that.  Then I started screaming in pain and I just felt completely out of control.  And his feet came out.  Then someone tells me I need to push and I was able to calm down just enough to get him out.  It took about 3 pushes total.  So the c-section was cancelled.  And Marshall ended up being perfectly healthy.  All the doctors were very excited that things had turned out so well and I promptly decided that 2 children was more than enough.  I'm pretty sure I have a small residual stress headache from the incident. 

So that's the story of my little 6.5 lb, 2.5 weeks early breech baby.  He is a rarity in this modern world.  And in case you're wondering, John was freaking out the whole time I was in the OR.  It was a little stressful for him as well.  But now we have another perfect little boy.  He's so tiny and Bishop seems so huge now. 

This is from today

If Life Was a Musical

I've had the conversation with a few people throughout my life of what it would be like if the world randomly broke into song and dance; to exist in a musical.  I started really thinking about the breakdown of that today, though.

Would free will exist?

If life was a like a musical, would you have the choice of whether you were going to join into the musical number?  Would there be times when you were a background singer/dancer whether you wanted to or not?  Would it be considered social etiquette to share leading and background roles throughout your life?  If it was compulsory would you have any choice?  If it wasn't compulsory would it be considered rude if you opted not to join in or removed yourself from other people's numbers?

If singing and dancing was compulsory, free will couldn't exist.  You would have no choice but to join in the number either as one of the leads or as a background person.  Everyone would have to be synchronized in order for that to work, though, so I have to wonder if we would have some kind of sixth sense about things that would happen during musical numbers or if people would learn how to effectively stay out of each others' ways.  Also, if you were in a music number as someone's arch-nemesis, would you be instantly aware that they don't like you even if you never talked with them about it (like when you meet someone and instantly know you aren't going to get along) or would your song depend on whether or not you know about this animosity and the feeling was mutual/not mutual?

If free will existed, how would you know what to sing/dance and when?  Would this be learned behavior?  Would classes revolve around learning how to ad-lib song lyrics and dance?  Would the person who started the song be in charge of leading with tone and style or would everyone involved be free to participate.  Actually, that last question sort of goes along with the free will not existing questions.  How would free will even operate in that kind of environment?  Would it be as easy as getting out of the number or not joining?  Like, if I join in, than I am accepting the compulsory nature of the musical number, but if I choose not to, then I can go about my business and just steer clear of it.  Would it be considered rude to jump into someone's background if you didn't know them?  Would it be encouraged?  Would people try to have the biggest musical numbers possible?  Would concerts even exist?  Would bands even exist?

There are a lot of unanswered questions here.

Today's prayer is for discipleship. 

Monotony

I've been doing a lot of complaining about how monotonous my has been feeling lately.  I regret this now.  There is way too much going on in my life.  I don't know how moms do it.  Angela, you are absolutely crazy to be trying to manage life and then running it for three other people!  Although now that I think about it, maybe moms know how to delegate these things so that they aren't as overwhelmed.  This must be why people have children, so they can force their brood to do their bidding.

Today's prayer is definitely for peace!

Getting Old

At age 25, my back went out for the first time.  Two years ago, my dog pulled me down the stairs in winter and I never really fully recovered.  This year, I will be thirty and my back has gone out so often this year, I'm a little jealous because I don't even go out that much.  That's a bad joke that didn't really come together well, but I bet you at least rolled your eyes reading it and that's enough for me.

My back went out at work today.  It's the first time that's ever happened.  Usually I'll be in bed when my back decides to be the most painful thing in the world ever, but not today.  Instead, I spent five hours in the most intense agony ever and the rest of my night has been spent in a state of nausea which is great.  I was worried when I got older that I would have to watch out for heart disease and cancer.  Instead, I'm in agonizing pain every time my back goes out and I'm not yet thirty.  Getting old really sucks sometimes.

Today's prayer is for peace.

Making effort

Okay, I'm blogging from my phone.  It feels like cheating but at this point it seems like the only practical way for me to post.  I don't often have 2 free hands to type on the computer but I am able to keep my phone with me.  I'm not sure if I'll be able to post links on Facebook from my phone though. I guess we'll see. 

Anyway, I am now a mother of two.  I'd say my mood now is tired but happy.  I feel like a weight has been lifted.... literally and figuratively.  I was a little stressed before about all the details: when I would go into labor, getting Bishop to a babysitter, making it to the hospital before Marshall came out, trying to flip the baby, and the possibility of a c-section.  Now that it's all over with, I just feel content and happy and so in love with my new little man.  All the details worked out great, although the birth was more than a little traumatic.  I'll get to that story later.  Here's my new cutie.